SuperMum | "All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my mother."

As you are probably aware by now, I'm moving out in a few weeks and the thing I'm most nervous about is leaving my wonderful mother. My mum is the strongest woman I've ever met, but there is just something unnerving about leaving and her being the only woman of the house. Wether that be leaving her to be the one to clean up pee from the toilet seat, or have no-one to talk about women things to. I just never want her to feel alone.

I can't claim to have been the perfect child, because I wasn't. I was moody, irrational and remember saying disgusting things (shudder) I would have never have said if it weren't the heat of the moment. Mum always stood by me though. She may have sent me to my room and told me off, taken my phone away or banned me from the internet. I might have slammed my door shut, screamed at her and thrown a temper tantrum but everything she did was for my benefit, and I don't think we really understand that until we're older. All of what we have been through together has moulded me into the person I am today, and if there is anything she should be proud of, it's that.

I don't know about you, but my mum would do anything to ensure my happiness. Over the years she has given me everything I could have dreamed of and more. When I was tiny, I took up Irish Dancing. This was not a cheap hobby, but she made it work. Dresses were in the hundreds, fake tan, wigs, dancing shoes, socks... It all amounted to a lot of money that we didn't really have but that never stopped my mother from helping me pursue my dreams. Then from the ages of 11 to 18, I was part of a theatre school and went there every weekend. Mummy P would drive me to and from these lessons every saturday and pay the money required, sometimes having to pick up extra shifts to be able to cover the cost. She'd take weekends off work to come to London to watch me perform in shows, even though it would cost her an arm and a leg. She encouraged me constantly to be the best performer I could be and fulfil my dreams. Money wasn't an issue for her because the reward was so much greater. That's the sort of person my mother is. There is nothing she would not do for her children.

It sounds cliche to say that my mum is my best friend, but she really is. She is the one person who has been there for me through everything from the very beginning and there is nothing I can say to thank her for that. She carried me for 9 months, cradled me for years and stuck by me when things got tough. She is a super-mum. When I have felt like there is nothing left to live for, she reminds me how strong she is and how I can be that way too. If I turn out to be half the mother she is to me and my brothers, I will be one hell of a mum.

This lady is the most warm, loving mother I could ask for and I wouldn't change her for the world. There is no-one in this universe that could even come close to her. 

Note to Charley: Tell mother how much you love her everyday.

The Lullaby Trust | "If love could have saved him, he would have lived forever."

DONATE HERE

This is Teddy Cheese, a beautiful little boy from Hanham, Bristol. Sadly, he passed away earlier this year, three weeks before his first birthday. 

His parents are raising money for 'The Lullaby Trust', this charity is dedicated to helping save babies lives. They also support families that are shattered by the death of a child and support research into why babies die suddenly and unexpectedly. You can find out more information about the trust in the link above. 

I really admire the fact that Matt & Emma are making something amazing out of such a devastating situation. Losing a child is just about the worst thing you could go through as a parent, and it just goes to show how strong they are that they are focussing on helping others and promoting awareness so soon after. Already, they have raised over £1000, and the money just keeps rolling in.

It's overwhelming to see the amount people are willing to do to help people in their community. The Jolly Sailor Wetherspoon are having a day to remember and raise money for Teddy & The Lullaby Trust on the 7th of April. There will be a bake sale, cookie decorating, raffles and lots more fun things. If you live in or around Bristol, it would be absolutely amazing if you could come down, indulge yourself in cake and help us raise money on the 7th. 

It seems that everyone on the High Street wants to do their part which is absolutely incredible. The shops have offered to help out in one way or another and I've seen people going round the streets with donation pots and coming back with £100. Hanham's community have been so generous and I'm just hoping that we can see that same generosity online.

If I could even help them raise £10, that's another £10 toward a great cause. It doesn't matter what you give, every little penny helps. If you can't give anything, it'd mean a lot to me if you could share this page. This is one of the most worthwhile causes you could possibly give to. No parent should ever have to bury a child, so lets support the charities that help them through it. 

You can donate to Teddy's page here. 

DONATE. 

Body Image | "To all the girls that think you’re fat because you’re not a size zero, you’re the beautiful one, it's society who’s ugly."

Fat. Thin. Huge. Skinny. Curvy. Skeletal. Chunky. Hefty. Thickset. Scraggy. Twiggy. Scrawny. Chubby. 
Fat. Thin. Huge. Skinny. Curvy. Skeletal. Chunky. Hefty. Thickset. Scraggy. Twiggy. Scrawny. Chubby. 
Fat. Thin. Huge. Skinny. Curvy. Skeletal. Chunky. Hefty. Thickset. Scraggy. Twiggy. Scrawny. Chubby. 

We've all heard these (and many other horrible) words at least once in our lives and even though we've probably tried to shake them off they hurt and sometimes they stick with us forever. It only takes one person to say something and the way you feel about yourself can be completely changed. I understand  people have different opinions on how we should look but surely as long as you're happy (and healthy) it shouldn't matter? 

The media has completely redefined our perception on body image. What used to be perceived as 'beautiful' is now something that is looked down upon. 60 years ago it wasn't diet pills people were after, it was pills to make you GAIN weight. 

Nowadays, if a celebrity puts on a bit of weight for whatever reason, it's front page of a gossip magazine and it's not to tell them how great they look. There is no respect for people anymore. It makes me sick to my stomach when there are stories about girls in primary school having eating disorders because they want to look like the 'ladies in the magazines'. Children shouldn't be worrying about their weight at that age, they should be out playing in the garden, learning the basics at school, eating as much rubbish as they want and not having to give a damn about it. We're persistently told that being 'fat' is wrong and we need to change. It might not be said outright but it's certainly implied. Take the Christmas period for example, it only needs to get to boxing day and the diet adverts are in your face. Then there is shop mannequins, barbie dolls and models... Each one of those is a slap in the face to someone with a little more body fat than others. There is little to no space for the 'larger' model on a catwalk. Barbies are completely out of proportion but it's okay for a child to have her as a role model, and mannequins make you feel like crap because it's hard to imagine how you would look in those clothes if you're not a size 8. 

Shout out for the shops that have started to use plus size mannequins, you're great.

I'm sad because I'm 'fat'.

 I eat because I'm sad.

I'm 'fat' because I eat because I'm sad. 

And repeat. 

I am one of those people (there are plenty of us) who finds comfort in food. My weight tends to fluctuate depending on how I am feeling. If I've had a rough few weeks, I usually put on a few pounds and then lose it again when I find the good in my life again. We end up living in this horrendous vicious circle and there seems to be no escape.

Above are some photos I've come across photos of myself when I was younger and a size 10. Now I wonder why the hell I ever thought I was fat. I would kill to be that size again. I don't understand why people would make fun of my size. What did they gain from it? I was healthy, wasn't half as big as I am now, yet I felt so upset that I looked that way. The reason for this being the people in my life and the nasty things they would say about me.
I'm so frustrated with myself for letting peoples words get to me. I'm mad at myself for thinking my body was disgusting and I'm horrified that I've hated myself for so long because of it. It feels like the things they said had been engraved into my mind and I just started believing them as though they were fact. I'd look in the mirror and all I could see was those names I had been called.
I'm finally realising, even though I don't like the way I am at the moment, it's who I am at this point in my life. Instead of dwelling on what I'd like to be like, it's time to do something about it but enjoy my life at the same time.

Society is always reminding us of what is 'acceptable' and if you don't fit the criteria then you won't be accepted. I'm hoping in time people will just come to terms with the fact not everyone will look the same but it doesn't mean they aren't beautiful. We all come in different shapes and sizes. Nobody should be able to make you feel ugly, too fat or too skinny. You can never please everyone, so you should stop trying to.

Your body doesn't define you. You are more than your dress size. 

Affordable Fashion | "The only real elegance is in the mind; if you’ve got that, the rest really comes from it."

I don't know about you, but money is always an issue for me, so Primark is usually my go to shop. At the moment, I don't have too much time to go into town so I've been browsing the internet for bargains. Honestly, I don't claim to know or follow any sort of fashion, but what I do know is that lots of people try to budget. A lot of the time it's really hard to find any decent good quality clothes and accessories for a small amount of money. 

Here are just a few of the things I've found on some super cheap (and reputable, promise) sites.

www.everything5pounds.com

LITERALLY EVERYTHING IS £5, HOW GREAT IS THAT?
I can't comment on the quality of these pieces, but there are so many things on that website that need to be in my wardrobe, and for £5 each I won't feel guilty buying them.

www.missluxe.co.uk
Now, this is a little steeper price wise. Most things range from £10 - £30. They do have some lovely items, but the majority of it isn't really to my taste.

www.missrebel.co.uk

Basically, I want to purchase this whole store. It's so cheap. I think the most expensive thing I've seen on there was a leather jacket and that was £25. I've purchased a few things from this store and they've always been amazing. Fast delivery and great product.

www.charmedivy.com

This website is such a little gem. Each of those items above are less than £3. I absolutely love every single piece on this site. If I could buy all of it, it would all be mine. If you're looking for beautiful pieces of quirky jewellery, then this is your newest bookmark.

And now for some of the more recognised names...

www.asda.com
Yes, thats right. You saw it correctly. ASDA. I am under no illusion that ASDA isn't a clothes shop, but my gosh, have you seen some of the beauties in there? I can't help myself but look at the new additions when doing my weekly shop. They also do the best bras for ladies with bigger busts -  now theres a tip for you lot.

www.elf.com

Elf has always been so great to me. Their lipsticks are so pigmented and stay on all night. I've never tried their varnishes but they are great value. The only things that are above £7 are the gift sets and brush sets. It's really a great place to go if you don't really have too much money to spend on cosmetics.

www.matalan.com

Matalan isn't exactly the cheapest of shops BUT the quality you get for what you pay is incredible. I have items of clothing I've bought from there for years and they still look new. They're good at keeping up with the newest trends and still keeping them at an affordable price. Definitely worth a look.

www.barrym.com

Barry M is quite possibly my favourite make up range. It seems like no matter how popular they are getting their prices are staying the same. Their nail polishes and lipsticks are incredible if you don't have money to spend on MAC etc etc.

A lot of people try and steer clear of sites that don't look 'professional' or are cheap, understandably, but what did your mother always tell you? Don't trust a book by it's cover. They might not look great, but it doesn't mean they are untrustworthy. I can't speak for every single site out there so you definitely just need to read the reviews and make your own decisions. 

If you're not a fan of sites you don't know too much about, don't forget to check out the sale items on sites like new look & topshop.

I absolutely despise spending money on clothes, which is odd considering how much I adore buying them. You'll always find me in the sale section and I'm not ashamed of it at all. 

You don't have to spend a lot of money to look a million dollars. 

100 Bloglovin' Followers | "Your present circumstances don't determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start."

I can't believe I'm saying this, but I've reached 100 followers on Bloglovin'. I am so grateful to every single person that has followed or even just read my rambles about life. It was only 2 months ago that I started up 'Note to Self' so to have over 3000 views and 100 followers is completely insane. Reaching a milestone is so exciting for me. I'm hoping that my next one will be the 100,000 view mark on an old video of mine. You can find it here if you fancy giving it a watch. It's taken 4 years but I'm so close now, how exciting is that? I put myself into everything I do, and the fact people spend their time watching and reading what I post is the best feeling. It gives me hope when I'm feeling uninspired and motivation to write until I can't feel my fingers. 

You will never know what this means to me. I'm the most self critical person I know, and starting my blog was mainly for me to rant and rave about things for myself. So the fact that people have taken to it and have enjoyed what I've written really means the world to me. Feeling like you have achieved something is the best, and reaching my first 100 has left me with such a warm feeling in my tummy. 

So thank you, thank you & thank you again. 

Here's to you, you beautiful people.

Post Valentines Day | "A flower cannot blossom without sunshine, and man cannot live without love."

I've never been too much a fan of Valentines day, not because it's so commercialised it hurts my eyes, but because I don't want to feel confined to telling my boyfriend I love him once a year.

Me and Danny had decided that we weren't buying each other anything this year because we're trying to save money for a house. 5pm came, he arrived at my house with a bunch of a dozen red roses and a huge smile on his face. What a sweetheart...Boyfriend points awarded. I wasn't expecting it at all. I felt so guilty that I hadn't gotten him anything so I purchased two Kinder Eggs for him later that day. They have new Marvel toys in them and anyone that knows us is aware that we have a bit of an obsession. Ironman is my weakness. Already, this Valentines day was the best one I'd had. We jumped into his car and sped off to the shops in search of food for the weekend. Danny wanted to cook me steak, but went we to ASDA and Lidl were completely out. Our last hope was CO-OP... finally, I laid my eyes on a glorious Sirloin and all was well in the world again.

We didn't get to spend much of Friday together as he travels down from work, so we had made the decision to celebrate Valentines on Saturday instead. Bristol Zoo had an offer for a 'cheep' date (£20 for 2 people) so we headed there for the day. I used to go to the Zoo as a child nearly every weekend as we had an annual pass but I hadn't been for so long and I really wanted to go again before leaving Bristol, possibly for good. Danny was good enough to take me (and pay) even though he really doesn't like Zoo's or anything similar. Boyfriend points awarded again. The weather in the South has been absolutely awful the past few weeks, with most of the surrounding areas of Bristol being underwater. Luckily, the sun was shining for the most part of the morning and we got to enjoy our trip without ending up looking like drowned rats. We got to see the Lions feeding (you can see a photo above) and the Gorillas in their new exhibit. It's absolutely incredible.
After we had finished at the Zoo, we went to go and get some food. Forgetting it was a Saturday and the day after V-day, everywhere we wanted to go was booked up all day. We had been looking forward to going to The Burger Joint in Clifton for weeks, so both of us were quite disappointed when we couldn't treat ourselves to the biggest burgers ever. Knowing we had to go to a few shops anyway, we drove into Cabot Circus and gorged ourselves on pizza and burgers from Frankie & Bennys. Yum.

Valentines day still isn't my favourite holiday, but it's honestly been the best weekend I've had in such a long time. Times like these make me realise just how much my boyfriend means to me, and how much I love being in love with him. Say 'I love you' everyday, you never know if you'll get the chance to say it again. People take love for granted so often. It's so important to remind yourself of why you fell for someone in the first place, because sometimes it can get lost in the madness of our lives.

Long Distance Relationships | "Distance means so little, when someone means so much."

Sunday. My least favourite day of the week.

It's that time again, Danny has left to go back to work for the week. 120 miles apart (he always says it's not 'long distance', but 120 miles is pretty bloody far), 5 days a week. I long for the days where we can wake up together every morning and fall asleep in each others arms in the evening. After two and a bit years of barely seeing each other during the week, we are looking at moving in with each other in the next few months, which means I don't have too much longer to wait.

With Danny being in the military, I'm fully aware that our situation could be one hundred times worse. He could be jetting around the world, but he is only halfway across the country. People try and make a point of saying 'it could be worse', but just because it could be, it doesn't mean what we do isn't hard too. I find comfort in thinking that there are only about 12 weekends left before we take the first step into buying a house together. We've made it this far without spending every second of the day with each other, we can make it through this.

Even though long distance relationships are hard (...really hard), they do have their benefits. You get your own space, miss each other throughout the week which makes the friday night cuddles even better and appreciate the time you spend together so much more. Just knowing that he is travelling down, blasting my One Direction album, to my house at 3pm on a Friday makes me so warm inside. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that. Butterflies still swarm my stomach when I open the door and he's there with a little grin on his face. Basically, 2 years on and we're still in the honeymoon period, it's great. We've been together since we were 19 and have done so much growing up. It's almost as if we're morphing into proper adults. Eeek. Recently, we've begun planning the next stage of our relationship, moving into a house, for me that just cements what we have. I'm getting all giddy just thinking about it.

However, spending the majority of your time without the one you love is hard. You spend hours just wishing they could be with you because you're having a bad day. Everything around reminds you of them. With Danny being so far away so much of the time, my insecurities are sky high. It's not easy at all to control them, but it's something I have to try to do. A long distance relationship won't work unless you make them. There has to be effort put in and compromises made. I never saw myself in a relationship like this, but now that I am, I couldn't imagine anything else. He is everything to me, and even though I don't get to see him everyday, the time we do see each other is so special. I try to make every second count. Just waking up, cuddled into him, on a Saturday and Sunday morning makes the days spent without him a bit better.

Are long distance relationships worth it? Definitely. Don't completely write off a relationship with someone that lives miles away. If you do, you'll never know if that person was 'the one'.

Are any of you in a situation like this? How do you cope?