trek america || from london to la

Well hello there old friends, it's been a while... again. I've been kicked up the backside by an email telling me my domain had been paid for for another year, so here we are.

Back in June 2016, as I'm sure you're aware, I travelled 5000 miles across the world to LAX to embark on the journey of a lifetime. A two month trip around America. Anyone that knows me, knows how crazy it was for me to do this by myself. I decided to document my adventure daily so I could relive the experience when I got home, but unfortunately things have happened since then and I haven't gotten round to it. Now ladies and gents, now, is the time that I delve back into my journal and this time, I'm going to share it with you.

8th of June 2016.

5am. I'm no good with mornings. Infact, mornings are my least favourite time of day. This day, however was different, I was filled with anticipation and excitement. Panic set in. Do I have my passport? Do I have my dollars? Do I have my itinery? Insurance? Hotel bookings? After being calmed down by my wonderful mother, we jumped in the car and drove to Heathrow with my two brothers. I was ready (albeit terrified) to go and explore the United States but not until after food. A veggie breakfast and a bloody mary was just what I needed before I boarded an 11 hour flight by myself. I'm not the best flyer, infact I absolutely bloody hate flying, so getting on that plane alone was a challenge in itself. After lots of cuddles and a little bit of crying, leaving my family at security was difficult. I couldn't even bring myself to turn around to wave goodbye. There was no going back once I'd gone through those doors. I was doing this. I was going to America, alone, for two months. I had no idea what was waiting for me, walking into the unknown. The flight itself wasn't too bad, luckily I had booked my flights with Virgin Atlantic and they were absolutely fabulous. They could not have been more friendly or attentive. Despite how tired I was, sleep wasn't an option, there was a vast array of films available to me and I was constantly being given food and drink. We touched down in LAX at 2:15pm local time. Now it was time to be terrified of customs, which was completely unnecessary because it was nothing like you see on tv. It was smooth, the customs officers were lovely, only a few questions and I was picking up my super blue suitcase ready to "go hail a cab".  I'm going to skip ahead to my first full day in LA because all I did today was keep myself awake until 9pm, eat jalapeno flavoured crisps and drink ginger ale.

9th June 2016.

To get over my jet lag, I booked a couple of days in a hotel before going to the hotel Trek America had booked me into. Luckily, I had made friends with a guy on another trek who was in LA at the same time as I was. We met at my hotel and ventured into Hollywood. I didn't feel particularly safe in my hotel (it was only a few blocks from Compton and every other noise you heard was a gunshot, remind me to trip advisor my hotel next time) so it was nice to have a friendly face around. To check off our obvious Hollywood sight seeing points, we had a little wonder down the walk of fame. I didn't realise how large the walk of fame actually is. 

It's every where. Everywhere. Once we'd walked up an appetite, it would have been rude not to walk into the Hard Rock Cafe and eat ourselves silly with the American portion sizes. Little did we know, in the U.S soft drinks are refilled and bought to your table for free when you look like you're running out, definitely looked stupidly British when we apologised for not ordering them. After food, we headed off to the Chinese Theatre, admiring the great names we'd walked over on the way. It's always a bit overwhelming seeing places you've wanted to visit for so long. The Chinese theatre is just full of hand and footprints from insanely talented and influential people, so standing where they stood all those years ago was absolutely crazy, but that wasn't the craziest thing to happen that day. Once we'd been accosted by all of the people trying to sell us stuff, I decided to go into MAC and buy a lipstick because I was regretting not bringing any with me. 

We'd been keeping an eye on a red carpet being laid out at The Dolby Theatre, so me being the curious being I am, I asked the security guard what was happening later this afternoon. He told me it was an event to honour John Williams, the composer of Star Wars, Jurassic Park and many many more. Sticking around to see who turned up seemed like a pretty good idea considering we had no time limit and this is fucking Hollywood. Next thing we know, out walk John Williams himself, George Lucas, STEVEN FUCKING SPIELBERG, JJ Abrams, Idina Menzel (for anyone that knows me and my love of Wicked, I thought I was going to die), Kobe Bryant and about 20 minutes late... up rocks Harrison Ford. 

Guys, I'm on day one of my trip and I'm stood here thinking... 

Has this trip just peaked? Am I the luckiest tourist in the world? 

10th June 2016.

After the craziness of yesterday, I was well ready to pack up my stuff and move to the hotel Trek America had booked for me. Fully aware that I would be sharing a room with a stranger, my anxiety started to pick up for the first time since I got here. I checked in, was given my room card and my roommate for the day was already in the room. She was this beautiful, sweet Australian girl and we just got on straight away. Thank god. We spoke for a little while about my adventures in the US so far, and decided to go back into Hollywood but this time via the metro and the subway.
American public transport is actually a little intimidating, it's so busy and everyone on there just looks like you've offended them. Being an Australian and a Brit, it was quite noticeable that people were watching and listening to us like we were a different species, something they'd never seen before. 

Once we'd navigated our way to the right station on the subway, we avoided those trying to sell us things and went straight for food. This time Johnny Rockets (apparently the original hamburger) fed me, and by gosh, I was not disappointed. We didn't even need fries because the burger was so ridiculously huge. Tipping is basically compulsory in America, which is a nightmare because everything becomes so expensive, but we weren't sure if we'd tipped them so pretty much ran out of the restaurant. Oops. Is there a better place to go than Hollywood for Madam Tussauds? Probably not, so we forked out the $30 entry fee and spent the afternoon with the stars. Nurel was all over James Dean, and I was sure

one of them would be the real person. Drinks seemed like the way to celebrate the end of a great day, and the start of our trips. I felt so lucky to be paired with someone as lovely as her. I felt instantly comfortable and calm even though usually meeting new people terrifies me. We were told that the bar at Aloft, where we were staying, was one of the best in El Segundo, how convenient! It wasn't a late night for us unfortunately because of the 7:30am meeting time for my trek group, and with that realisation, suddenly, I was overcome with anxiety, excitement... anticipation. It was starting. My 9 week trip around the USA was beginning and I knew my life would never be the same.

Until next time...
Trek begins.
Vegas and Zion National Park.

Growing Up | "It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are."

Growing up is never easy, no matter who you are or what sort of life you have. If you say you had it easy, I will say you're lying. It's crazy to think that I've been alive for 21 years and every year there has been one thing or another that stopped me in my tracks. Childhood is where we learn the basics of the life we are heading into and we spend the majority of the first 10 years of our life being force fed information on things we really don't understand. All we want to do is pretend to be planes or draw on walls. We don't care about how to join up letters or how Moses parted the sea. It's so important to be told that it's okay to make mistakes and that it is an essential part of growing up. Learning from mistakes when you're younger can only give you more time to develop and remind yourself that what you did didn't work out. 

Primary school for me was just 7 years of having religion shoved down my throat. That's the problem with going to a catholic primary school, I suppose. We aren't given the space and opportunity to have our own opinion. From such a young age we are being encouraged to think about our futures and we shouldn't be. Childhood is for innocence and being silly - not for deciding you want to be an accountant. I'm in my second decade of life and I don't even know what I want to do yet. 

I was one of the early developers in my class in school and that made it really difficult. Being the oldest sibling, I had no-one to talk to about what I was going through. I didn't know what was happening with my body and it confused me. People would make fun of me because I wore a bra and I was taller than most people in my class (unfortunately I stopped growing that year and I'm stuck at 5'2). Instead of playing with my 'friends' in the playground, I would sit in the reception with the women and draw pictures because going outside, not knowing what people would say was terrifying. I was only 10 years old and there was already people telling me what I looked like was 'wrong for a girl'. It was upsetting. What kind of person would tell an impressionable young girl that having meat on her bones is wrong? We don't all look like Barbie, and nor should we.

I couldn't shake what people had said to me for a long time. Self esteem was something I was hardly aware of and already I had none. I wore baggy clothes to hide my breasts, a jacket to hide my arms and I would be dead before I was seen in a skirt. I put on weight and even though I hated how big I had become, but I would keep comfort eating. It was a vicious circle. Sad because fat, eat because sad, sad because fat. 

Going into secondary school, I was nervous about what was ahead of me. I made sure I had the biggest uniform and looking back now I realise it made me look bigger than I was - not a good move guys. I was ginger, had braces and was fat. Not exactly the best way to start a new school, I guess. The nicknames soon began. There was tin teeth, boing boing, carrot top… They say that sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me. They were wrong. They hurt. 

Moving into the higher years of secondary school, it became apparent that something was wrong with me. I was making myself sick so I didn't have to go to school, I felt empty and regretfully, started self harming. Fortunately, I was aware that I needed help. I started going to a counsellor and she helped me a bit, but I felt extremely patronised by her and decided that it wasn't for me. Trying my best to get on with life, I knuckled down and got good grades in my GCSE's. The feelings of emptiness and worthlessness never went away, I just managed them. Sometimes it seems like it is impossible to put them to the back of your mind, but I promise you, it will get easier.

Something that really affected me in college was a set of 'awards' given out at the end of our time there. Luckily enough I found out that I had won 'biggest attention seeker' voted for by all my year. I never thought people could be so cruel. Needless to say, I didn't attend the ceremony and have barely spoken to any of them since. 

School wasn't all that bad though. I had some amazing experiences and I wouldn't change them for the world. Learning a new language, meeting some amazing people, getting to go to a different country, writing songs that people would then cover and performing numerous plays and pantomimes (I actually got to be the female lead once and it made me feel incredible. I never thought I was good enough until that day). Experiencing bullying and depression in school has only made me into a stronger person today and as much as I would have liked to have enjoyed my time at school, I cannot thank it enough for the lessons it has taught me. 

The working world is much more mature environment although there is aspects that feel like you're still in the school playground. Earning your own money and accepting a responsibility is the one of the first steps you take being a proper 'grown up', unless you went to uni which I refused to do, but I'll pick up on the topic of uni another time… I've worked since I was 17. A year was spent in McDonalds which was actually great fun and then moved to Wetherspoon. You learn a lot working in a pub, meeting so many different people and all with different stories to tell. I hope that when I am old and grey, I'll be the one with the stories. I am still pretty new to this stage of my life, so I don't have too much to say on the matter but I am the happiest I've been in a long time. 

We come into life as a blank canvas and everything we experience is written in our skin. The bruises and scars we accumulate over the years are just signs that we had a tough time and we got through it. We are strong. YOU are strong. 

I really don't want this blog to come across as self centred and all about me. You are not alone in what you have gone through. My thoughts writing this were that if people saw that I had gone through rubbish, they would feel more comfortable talking to me about it if they thought they had no-one.  Please, please, PLEASE, if you feel the way I (and many others) have, do NOT hesitate to contact me. My facebook and twitter are at the top of this page.