trek america | hollywood to vegas, baby

11th of June 2016. 

6:30 in the morning and my alarm screams in my ear to wake me from my ridiculously light sleep. Apparently, anxiety and excitement aren't great tools for getting a decent nights sleep. Meeting 10 new people and starting a journey that would change my life, albeit terrifying, meant getting out of the comfiest bed in the world would be so worth it. I was the first to turn up in the lobby, promptly followed by Emily who would be the lucky lady to show us around the south of North America. We sat eagerly awaiting the rest of the group who would accompany us in the van for an entire month, 4 guys and 4 girls later, we were ready to sign all our paperwork and get on the road to Vegas. 

Firstly we started by introducing ourselves to each other. There was Laura from Weston, just down the road from me, which was so nice because she felt like home from home. Charlotte from just outside Birmingham, who was hilarious and would be the one to bring me out of my shell. Chris from London, who'd be the one to cause the drama. Lewis, also from London, who was the mediator and the one to speak all the sense. Eliza from Italy, the one that you never quite got to know. Regina from Germany, who was strong and outspoken. Silvan from Switzerland, who came across as shy but would soon emerge as sweet and funny and then there was Simon, the joker of the group.

This trip was going to be a fair amount of driving, so the journeys would be long and beautiful. LA to Vegas was a 4 hour trip, so we broke up the time by having a stop off at Hollywood Boulevard. Having been here the last two days I felt somewhat a pro, no longer was I a confused tourist but I knew exactly where the Starbucks was and the CVS to grab some suncream. After a brief stop in Hollywood, we were back in the van and heading to VEGAS! What better way to bond and start your trip than to start it in Las Vegas?

Not long into the trip, we make our first stop at the all American Walmart for snacks to keep us all occupied and fed until we pulled over for some food. I want to say that I was surprised that they sell guns in Walmart, but quite frankly I'd be lying. Never before have I come across somewhere you can buy pillows, graham crackers and guns in the same place. Loaded (pun intended) with treats, snacks and the biggest bottles of powerade you can imagine, it was time to head on to Nevada. I didn't realise how incredibly big America is and how much of it is just empty, it's endless desert, mountains and just absolute beauty. You hear so much of the built up states and cities, but not so much of the areas inbetween which are just as breathtaking. 

After an hour or two of endless driving, we stopped at The Mad Greek Cafe in Baker (and it was fucking baking... I think it was like 100 fahrenheit, it was smack bang in the middle of the desert to be fair), which to me was super exciting because I'd seen it on Diners, Drive ins and Dives... Obviously, most of us had gyros and milkshakes which were incredible. Full, and ready to party, we continued on our journey to Nevada. Once Vegas was in our sights, we stopped at a liquor store because the ones in actual Vegas are bloody expensive and few and far between. Our shopping trolley was ridiculous, baring in mind there was only 10 of us, the whole thing was full. Part of our trip included a hotel and party bus limo ride down the strip before a night out. 

7:30pm: Meet in Emily's room at The Golden Nugget, Freemont Street.

Beer pong. Something I will never, ever be good at. 50 inch pizza, something I absolutely will be good at. I have seen nothing like it before, the bloody pizza didn't even fit on the desk.
After mixing drinks, and creating poisons for our party bus, we headed downstairs to watch the light show on Freemont Street. We were lucky enough to actually be in one of the hotels/casinos on that strip, so we plodded past the swimming pool (it had a slide inside a shark tank... how very Vegas). Outside Chris got conned out of $10 by Darth Vader while we stood and watched.

After the light show we went to board our ride down the Vegas strip. To our surprise, we were welcomed by a pole in the back of the bus.. which we most definitely took advantage of. Vegas for me was a fantastic way to shift any divide in the group, we all got to know each other so well this evening. Our first stop on the strip was the infamous Welcome to Vegas sign. After a small queue of people and a wedding party (!!), we were accosted by a woman who wanted to take our photos for us for tips, obviously... this became a thing throughout.



After parting with a few dollars, it was time to make our way to watch the Bellagio water fountain display. I think when you see something in so many films, on tv and plastered over the internet, you go in with a preconception of what it'll be like... I was not disappointed. It was so beautiful, magical even. I didn't want it to end. Lewis and I were kept amused by the tourist groups with the pink fluffy cock on a stick. I know you need to keep the group together, so what better way than following a cock? Vegas is such a strange place. It's a world in the middle of a desert. It's tacky, yet beautiful. It was time to head back to Freemont Street to really get the night started. I'll be 110% honest, I don't remember all that much that happened after this bar casinos everywhere, a guy called Jonny and Chris getting kicked out of a bar.

12th June 2016.

Oh wow, hangover galore. I'm not sure I have ever felt this bad in my entire life. I'm not sure what I expected really, it was Vegas. Surprisingly, I was up at 9 in the morning and on the strip by 12. Today was a free day so we could venture around this crazy place as and when we wished to, there were no time constraints, no driving, just all the time in the world. You don't realise how big LV is until you're walking around not having a damn clue where you are. Fun fact, did you know there are no pedestrian crossings in Vegas? It's all bridges and escalators, so getting anywhere is a fucking nightmare. Despite it being one of my absolute dreams to ride New York, New York, my stomach had other ideas. Even the thought of a rollercoaster made me want to throw up a tiny bit. Strolling through the casinos and Hershey's chocolate world (yum!) we had definitely built up an appetite.

Hard Rock Cafe seemed like a good shout, it was air conditioned... and at 50 degrees celcius, exactly what we needed. You know it's too hot when you're walking into shops with no intention of buying a damn thing, but stealing their air con. After a while, we realised none of us had heard from Chris or Lewis all day. We had hoped that they were just off doing their own thing and would see them later. I'll tell you what though guys, you can do an awful lot of walking here so be prepared. Take enough water, and make sure you're creamed up. It's incredible how much effort has gone into the hotels and casinos here, they're fucking phenomenal. One is literally a little Venice, it's just insane.

Emily had arranged for us to meet at 7pm to go to a cute little hipster food court for dinner. At this point, we had found Lewis but there was still no sign of Chris. BBQ was where it's at. Pulled pork, mac and cheese and a bread roll side. Everything in America comes with a bread roll. Still no Chris. On our way back to the hotel, we came across a huge metal praying mantis, little did we know that it fucking shot out fire. It absolutely fucking terrified a child which had me and the guys in stitches. I have never seen such a look of terror in my life. It was time to go back to Laura and Charlottes room for a game of cards against humanity before an early night. Finally, after an entire night of panic for Emily, Chris showed his face and his bottle of Jim Beam. Turns out he had been asleep, all day. ALL DAY.

In short, Vegas was an incredible experience and I feel so lucky to have been able to be here with some fantastic people. I would definitely come back to visit and maybe try my hand at a slot machine, but it's just not for me. It's completely overwhelming, so fucking hot and absolutely mental. Vegas is it's own world. At least no one got married...

Next time... a trip to Zion National Park and our first night camping. 

New Beginnings | "You don't have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great"

It might be a little late, but hello 2015 and what a welcomed sight you are. You might have noticed that I've been a little quiet, well... really bloody quiet recently but I do have my reasons. For months and months, I have wanted to write and now, I finally feel at a point in my life where I can. As most of you know, I moved up to Lincoln early last year with the guy that I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with, we bought a beautiful house and I even got myself a new job that I loved. I was on top of the world... or so I thought. It was 5:30am late September and I knew that something was wrong. It was over. I don't know why. I don't know what happened. It just was. 

My world fell apart in the space of a few minutes. 

As quick as it happened, I was packing my things and moving into the house we had bought together. It wasn't exactly habitable, but it was something I could work with until the my huge life decision was made. I'm not really sure what possessed me to stay in Lincoln, if I'm honest, I think I just wanted to prove to myself I could... and for a while, I did. Every day was a battle, trying to trick yourself into believing that you're okay and moving on but all you want to do is go home, curl up in bed and pretend you don't exist anymore. I wouldn't eat, I barely slept, I lost myself completely. If there were a path to self destruction, I was on it. It gradually got worse, having at least one anxiety attack a day but eventually I was at a point where I was ready to seek help. I was put on medication for severe depression and anxiety. What I didn't realise at that point is that anti-depressants and diazepam don't make you happy, they make you functional and sometimes, functional isn't enough. After 4 months by myself, not knowing how to cope or what to do, there was a night that I reached rock bottom and I mean, rock bottom. That's when I knew I had to move home and think about myself for once. I had gotten so wrapped up in not wanting to disappoint everyone by giving up and moving home, I forgotten I was living MY life. I wanted to prove to everyone I was strong so badly that I let it affect my health in the worst way.

"It's so melodramatic to say that you have no reason to exist anymore, but that's exactly how I felt. Everything that meant anything to me was ripped from my grasp in an instant. It was like my heart had been removed from my chest, thrown around and stomped on. I'd never felt anything like it. If that's what it is like losing someone you love, I never want to fall in love again. I did everything in my power to stop this happening, yet it wasn't enough. I thought I was set, he was my forever... but forever only exists in fairytales."

Not everything up North was a negative though. I met a beautiful girl who quickly became my best friend. I have only known her for 9 months but she has made an incredible impact on my life and I wouldn't be here today without her. I've been to hell and back but she has been the sunshine in my darkness, my silver lining. It's definitely not about who you've known the longest, but who proves themselves as a true friend, and she has. She has been my rock through everything and I am so glad that I've had the pleasure of meeting her. I also got myself a job that I absolutely fell in love with, and worked with people that I loved even more. You wouldn't expect it at all, but I got a job for Skoda... yes the car company. Meeting new people that I will treasure for the rest of my life and learning a new skill was the best thing for me. I've now got experience in a new field of work, doing something I never thought I would do in my life... I can't even drive.

I moved home on New Years Eve on 2014, and even though I lost everything; my house, my boyfriend, my job, my independence... myself... I have been given a new beginning. Bringing in the new year in Bristol with my family was the best way I could have imagined it. I was exactly where I needed to be. Starting again is the scariest thing I've ever had to do but I feel I am engulfed in a cloud of love and countless chances to create myself again. Now I'm at a point in my life where I'm moving on... no, I'm moving up. I'm learning to love myself, I have a new found confidence and I'm surrounded by the people I love again. 

This is a new chapter of my story, and I can finally say that I'm looking forward to writing it. 

Bring it on, 2015. I'm ready for you. 

If you have read this and need someone to talk to, please go to my contact page and send me an email. It doesn't matter what time of day it is, I am here for you.