5 Tips For Surviving a Break-Up | NotetoCharley

Breaking up with someone is never easy, there is no cure for the pain you feel and it's a bloody long process to get back to where you were. As most of you well know,  I'm someone who has gone through a pretty tough break up recently so I thought I would share some things that have made things a little easier for me. This is gonna be a wordy one, so get comfortable.

Surround yourself with positivity.

Look in the mirror and tell yourself how incredible you look today. Infact, tell yourself every day.  Read books in the sun. Try that new restaurant. Have civilised cocktails with the girls or pints with the lads. Travel to a place you've never been before. Buy that lipstick you've been eyeing up recently. Change your bedsheets. Read cute little quotes daily. Get your hair cut. Take up a new hobby. Join the gym. Spend time with your friends and remind yourself of what you enjoyed doing when you were single. Learn to enjoy your own company again. Meet fantastic new people. 

Take advantage of this new beginning and use this time to find yourself, you've probably grown and changed a lot as a person during the time you were with them. Don't dwell on the negativity of the break up, it can only teach you to be a stronger and better person.
P.S. Don't be embarrassed to join Tinder for a bit of an ego boost. It's natural to want to be pandered to when you feel a bit shit and who knows, you could meet some really great people whilst doing so.

Allow yourself to be upset.

Please remember one thing - you are NOT weak because you are upset. Cry. Cry as much as you want. Cry your little heart out. Go through that box of tissues. Grab that tub of Ben&Jerry's, lock yourself in your room for an hour and listen to sad songs. TIP: Taylor Swift has got a few good ones. You will never get over something if you don't face it. Don't try and run from the problem because it will always be waiting for you when you get back. You may have suppressed it along with all of the other things too unbearable to think about but as long as you don't acknowledge it, theres no way you'll be able to move on. Try keeping yourself busy, but allow yourself time to come to terms with it all. Don't ever keep your feelings to yourself. Talk to somebody (I'm always here, go to my contact page if you want to mail me) or write a diary. To any men who may read this, you are not emasculated because you shed a tear or 5 during a break up, you have a heart and feelings too. Do not feel like people will judge you, the ones that do are not worth your time anyway. A break up is a grieving process, you are mourning a love lost and there is absolutely no reason not to be emotional. 

Don't put pressure on yourself to be okay.

Be gentle with yourself, there isn't a magic potion that will make things better, you won't wake up tomorrow and feel whole again. It will hurt like a bitch for a while, but eventually, the pain will ease.  It may feel like nothing can fill the void in your life left by that person but I can assure you, someone will come along, show you how incredible you are and bring the light back into your life. Remember, there will be good and bad days. You may feel 90% better than you did at the beginning but one day something will come at you like a punch in the stomach. At one point in your life, this person was your future, your everything, so a photo or a memory triggered by every day life can hurt like a little motherfucker. Don't worry, it's completely natural to experience this and it doesn't mean you're back at square one. It will get easier, and over time you'll be able to see a photo or reminisce and feel indifferent to it all. I want you to know that I'm so proud that you've not let this get the better of you, take your time and heal. The fact you're still here just shows how strong you are, even if you may not feel it, go you!

Don't ever blame yourself.
If your relationship ended anything like mine, you didn't get a reason why. An absolute dick move by ex partner, if I do say so myself. This leaves you with only one thing to blame... yourself. DON'T DO IT. Don't go there. Don't go down that road, it's so self destructive and it's much harder to come back once you do. It's so common to forget how incredible you are when you've just been broken up with, but don't you dare. Don't forget every quality that makes you unique. There is literally only one of you and the people that are involved in your life are incredibly lucky to be. You are so special. You are kind, caring, funny and you're beautiful too. You were more than good enough, nothing is wrong with you, it just wasn't meant to be. You will find love again and when you do finally meet 'the one', it will be magical.  Try to look at your relationship from an outside perspective, chances are there were tiny little signs that things weren't working as well as you had convinced yourself it was. Relationships aren't always black and white and as much as you crave an answer, you should probably just accept that there isn't one. #Brutalhonestysucks.

Give yourself space. 

I have left this one until last because I cannot stress enough how important it is. Please, if the relationship is definitively over, find the strength to remove them from EVERYTHING (at least for a while...).Yes, everything. I mean snapchat, instagram, facebook, twitter, pinterest, instant messengers. There is a time for the facebook stalk and I can tell you it's not right now. Remove things that remind you of them, delete photos from your albums, and definitely delete their number so the temptation on a drunken night out is gone. Don't try and make them jealous by uploading bangin' photos of yourself and friends, they're not worth it. I know it seems pretty drastic, but I promise you, there is absolutely no way you can begin to heal if you're hounded by reminders of them. Do not torture yourself with their life and how they're doing without you. You are far more important than that, they will never find someone like you again and thats their loss. Focus on you, focus on putting your life back together, focus on reminding yourself how you were happy without them. I know it's hard to let go of the past, the 'ugly' snapchats, the future you had, the way they laughed at your stupid jokes, how they looked next to you in the morning... but it's over and as difficult as it is, you have to accept that. They have. They're out there living life and moving on, remember that you need to too. Don't make it harder for yourself by having a constant reminder.  Oh, and break up sex is never a good idea.

So there you have it, just a couple of the main things that have helped me along the way. I may not be where I want to be yet, but I'm sure as hell on my way.

New Beginnings | "You don't have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great"

It might be a little late, but hello 2015 and what a welcomed sight you are. You might have noticed that I've been a little quiet, well... really bloody quiet recently but I do have my reasons. For months and months, I have wanted to write and now, I finally feel at a point in my life where I can. As most of you know, I moved up to Lincoln early last year with the guy that I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with, we bought a beautiful house and I even got myself a new job that I loved. I was on top of the world... or so I thought. It was 5:30am late September and I knew that something was wrong. It was over. I don't know why. I don't know what happened. It just was. 

My world fell apart in the space of a few minutes. 

As quick as it happened, I was packing my things and moving into the house we had bought together. It wasn't exactly habitable, but it was something I could work with until the my huge life decision was made. I'm not really sure what possessed me to stay in Lincoln, if I'm honest, I think I just wanted to prove to myself I could... and for a while, I did. Every day was a battle, trying to trick yourself into believing that you're okay and moving on but all you want to do is go home, curl up in bed and pretend you don't exist anymore. I wouldn't eat, I barely slept, I lost myself completely. If there were a path to self destruction, I was on it. It gradually got worse, having at least one anxiety attack a day but eventually I was at a point where I was ready to seek help. I was put on medication for severe depression and anxiety. What I didn't realise at that point is that anti-depressants and diazepam don't make you happy, they make you functional and sometimes, functional isn't enough. After 4 months by myself, not knowing how to cope or what to do, there was a night that I reached rock bottom and I mean, rock bottom. That's when I knew I had to move home and think about myself for once. I had gotten so wrapped up in not wanting to disappoint everyone by giving up and moving home, I forgotten I was living MY life. I wanted to prove to everyone I was strong so badly that I let it affect my health in the worst way.

"It's so melodramatic to say that you have no reason to exist anymore, but that's exactly how I felt. Everything that meant anything to me was ripped from my grasp in an instant. It was like my heart had been removed from my chest, thrown around and stomped on. I'd never felt anything like it. If that's what it is like losing someone you love, I never want to fall in love again. I did everything in my power to stop this happening, yet it wasn't enough. I thought I was set, he was my forever... but forever only exists in fairytales."

Not everything up North was a negative though. I met a beautiful girl who quickly became my best friend. I have only known her for 9 months but she has made an incredible impact on my life and I wouldn't be here today without her. I've been to hell and back but she has been the sunshine in my darkness, my silver lining. It's definitely not about who you've known the longest, but who proves themselves as a true friend, and she has. She has been my rock through everything and I am so glad that I've had the pleasure of meeting her. I also got myself a job that I absolutely fell in love with, and worked with people that I loved even more. You wouldn't expect it at all, but I got a job for Skoda... yes the car company. Meeting new people that I will treasure for the rest of my life and learning a new skill was the best thing for me. I've now got experience in a new field of work, doing something I never thought I would do in my life... I can't even drive.

I moved home on New Years Eve on 2014, and even though I lost everything; my house, my boyfriend, my job, my independence... myself... I have been given a new beginning. Bringing in the new year in Bristol with my family was the best way I could have imagined it. I was exactly where I needed to be. Starting again is the scariest thing I've ever had to do but I feel I am engulfed in a cloud of love and countless chances to create myself again. Now I'm at a point in my life where I'm moving on... no, I'm moving up. I'm learning to love myself, I have a new found confidence and I'm surrounded by the people I love again. 

This is a new chapter of my story, and I can finally say that I'm looking forward to writing it. 

Bring it on, 2015. I'm ready for you. 

If you have read this and need someone to talk to, please go to my contact page and send me an email. It doesn't matter what time of day it is, I am here for you. 

Throwback Thursday | "Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards."

I know you've been thinking 'Where the hell is Charley?', but I've been a busy little bee recently. Between getting paint on myself more than the walls, knocking down parts of the house and working in the pub, I've not really found the time to write anything which has lead me to being completely lost in the blogging world. I've been through so much in the last few months, so I should have lots to write about but stringing a coherent sentence together has felt like the most impossible of tasks. 

Finally, a little inspiration has been thrown my way. A series of 'Throwbacks'. While searching for my NI number, Danny and I came across photos of him and his brother when they were children. I don't know about you, but nothing makes me happier than to reminisce looking through photos. Most of the time I wonder what the hell my parents were thinking putting me in those clothes, but thats the 90's for you, I suppose; a wonderful array of tie-dye, braids, too much denim and dungarees.

This week, I'm going to show you a few photos from my youngest years.

Baby Charley | Young Charley & Nanny P | Older Baby Charley

Back in the day, when technology wasn't as advanced as it is now, everything was recorded via camcorder, a fancy mashup of a camera and a recorder, something that I doubt people born any time after 2000 will know of. I remember being sat in the living room at Christmas, rummaging through the mounds of presents under the tree to find the ones that belonged to me. My dad would grab his huge camera and film us opening our presents. My parents have a video somewhere of me opening a gift, getting cellotape stuck to my finger and I couldn't get it off at all. They joked that they would send it in to You've Been Framed, though the £250 would be lovely.

Little Beth, Little Charley, Baby Dan | Cool Charley

The first picture is of my friend from school, me and my brother. The garden in our old house backed onto a lane where all the garages were, but to us it was a playground. Many a time have there been waterfights, arguements and blood. Dan managed to cut his head open after falling off his bike,  I took him up to see mum in the house and she placed her hand on his head to rub it better and sent him on his way, little did she know that her hand was covered in blood. Needless to say, she screamed at us both and took him straight to hospital.

I have so many incredible memories of my childhood, being able to just look at an old photo and be transported back to that memory is amazing. Especially now, as I've moved away from home and get homesick from time to time, looking through these images has made me feel at peace. It's so easy to get caught up in your life now, that you never look back at what you've done, what you've been through. I highly recommend searching for some old photos if you have the time. You never know what memory you'll come across, but be warned, you might not ever forgive your parents for their style choices.

Note To Charley: Don't ever forget where you've come from. Remind yourself of what you've been through and be thankful that you are where you are today.

Summer Essentials | "The tans will fade but the memories last forever."

Summer is looming, and the sun looks as though it's trying to peek its lovely head through the clouds (finally!), so it's time to top up on our must have products for this time of year. If you're like me, and the sun is really not your friend then I can relate when you say that Summertime is not your favourite season. Countless freckles inhabiting your entire body, having to spend a million pounds on Factor 50 every single week and even then only getting a tan that is really just sunburn in disguise. 

Garnier Summer Body 400ml £7.50

I purchased this product from Morrisons at £3.99, while it was on offer, mainly because I'm so pale and wanted to see if this sort of thing actually worked. I'm secretly hoping this might turn me into some sort of Greek Goddess... a girl can dream right? I decided to try it out today and my god, the smell is incredible. It's a mixture between apricot and coconut, it just smells like a dream, a wonderful dream where I've been transported to a beach with the sun beating down on my body, an ice cream in hand. 

Honestly, I've never had a moisturiser work so well. It is fast absorbing, which is great for people who can't afford to wait ages for it to soak in and it leaves you feeling gorgeously smooth, soft and sexy.





Marc Jacobs Daisy 'Eau So Fresh' 125ml £68

If I had to go for the rest of my life with only one perfume, it would be this one without a doubt. I loved it so much the first time I bought it that my boyfriend bought me another bottle for Easter this year. Oh my God, it just makes me smell like a beautiful Summer day. Marc Jacobs has an amazing range of perfumes that all have a beautiful scent and are completely different to anything you've had before. To top it all off, they come in the cutest little bottles (as you can see...), which can make really lovely decorative pieces when you've used up all your perfume.
It may be a little bit pricey, but it's 100% worth the money. If you can't afford it yourself, put it on a christmas/birthday wishlist. You won't regret it.

Barry M nail polish £2.99 - £3.99

Any of you that read my blog know that I absolutely swear by Barry M for nail polish (and usually lipstick if I'm looking for a lovely colour). They bring out new ranges or shades every couple of months which is fan-bloody-tastic if you're like me and can't wait to get your hands on a new colour to paint your nails (and fingers...)

The polishes you see to your left are my must haves for Summer this year; Lemon Ice Cream,

 Prickly Pear & Greenberry (Gelly Hi Shine), Meadow & Mist (Silk). 

I'm currently sporting Lemon Ice Cream, which needs a fair few coats before it is opaque but when it's dried it leaves you with a nice glossy finish as you can see here. Who doesn't want their nails to resemble ice cream?

Mac Lipstick in Russian Red £15
L'Oréal Paris Superliner £6.99
Kate Moss Rimmel in 31 £5.49 

I'm a huge lipstick fan. Matte is my favourite as I find that the finish is much better and lasts longer than others I've tried. These are both red statement lipsticks which I find (along with corals) are the best for Summer. Especially for us pale girls, corals (as pretty as they are) can often not suit our pigmentation and make us look drowned out. What is better than a beautiful, bold statement red? Nothing. That's right. Superliner is my absolute favourite eyeliner. I completely swear by it. A nice thin 'cat eye' is perfect for this time of year and this one is so easy to apply.
All we need now is a high waisted bikini and we have 2014's new pin up girl... oops.



So there you have it, my 'Summer Essentials' for this year.
I've recently tried out the Garnier Summer Body moisturiser with a hint of tan and it has actually worked. Overnight my legs (and hands...) have become a slightly glowing tan colour which is incredible considering they were porcelain. I really didn't expect it to work as well as it has. 10/10 would recommend to anyone looking for a little bit of colour.

Do you have any products you would recommend?

Love Is Golden | "Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting twobodies."

At the weekend my grandparents celebrated their Golden Wedding anniversary. How amazing is that? 50 years putting up with the good, the bad and the ugly from the person you love, dealing with imperfections as though they don't exist. That's what love is, isn't it? Seeing through the flaws because the good is just so much better. I always thought that being in love would be easy, a really smooth ride, but it isn't. If it was, it would be boring. You have to fight through the bad times to really appreciate the good ones. We are so obsessed with the idea of 'Prince Charming' that we forget that he doesn't exist. If you really do love someone, you'll love who they really are, not who you want them to be. 

Love is special, and a love as special as my grandparents is one that should be cherished. We arranged a large party for the whole family to get together to celebrate the most wonderful couple we know. Family flew over from Ireland and travelled from parts of the UK to be there which goes to show how much we care about them. Over the years, they've continually shown every family member and friend an unlimited amount of care and affection, and that day we all came together to shown them our gratitude for everything they've done for us. Being a big Irish family there was mountains of food, a beautiful cake and plenty of drink. As the night progressed, the alcohol flowed and we all found ourselves dancing (I have a video on my instagram) in a big circle to an Irish folk band. That was my Nan's idea of course, and boy was it a great one. It was such a brilliant night, I'd do it again in a heartbeat (even if I woke up with a fuzzy head...).

I feel so privileged to have been bought up in such a strong, loving family. Anyone that knows my grandparents have nothing but nice things to say about them. I quote "They are one of a kind", and it's true. Their generosity and dedication to their loved ones always amazes me, we could be taking them out for a meal, and the naughty grandparents will insist on paying. If anyone needed help, they'd make sure that they could do something, no matter how busy they may already be. No matter who you are, you will be welcomed into their home with open arms. Infact, if someone was to just turn up when we're having a get together at their house they'd be asked to join us. During the Christmas period, family and all our close friends (it starts as 10 people and soon enough there are 30 throughout the day...) are invited to a boxing day banquet at their beautiful home, (my nan can't just cook for a few people, she'll make enough to feed 100 people). We will drink, gorge ourselves on divine food and play quiz games until the early morning. I wouldn't change my family for anything. Why would I when they're already the best I could ask for? 

50 years is a huge milestone. Marriages never seem to last these days and I don't know if it's down to people jumping in too quickly, not being as in love as they think or just the time we live in now. My grandparents got married a year after they started dating, and my Granddad said he loves her as much now as he did back then. We were talking about how they met and when he knew she was the one, he lit up, the smile across his face was that of a child in a sweet shop. Seeing just how much they love each other really makes my heart melt. Theirs is a love like no other. You know when you just know someone is with their soulmate? It's like that with those two. They bicker, they argue, they laugh, they smile. They are simply perfect for each other. If I could be as happy and in love with Danny in 50 years time as they are now, I will be one happy old lady. 

Springtime | "The glow of one warm thought is to me worth more than money."

I bet you didn't think I could be doing much more with my life than working non stop and buying things for my house, did you? Here is a little peek into my life for the last month.

I've just created a Facebook page for 'Note To Charley' so go ahead, click this link and like the page.

McBUSTED @ LG Arena, Birmingham
3rd May 2014

For weeks, this was the thing I was looking forward to the most. Meeting up with my favourite girls and dancing to our favourite band (plus 2/3 of Busted). I wouldn't have met any of them without McFLY so seeing them with anyone else would just be wrong. I love the fact that a band can bring so many people together. Tour time is my favourite.
First off, we met up with some McFriends for lunch and a catch up, then waltzed back to the hotel that Abby and Amber were staying in to have a few drinks and a chat. The support acts were pretty rubbish at the gig so we skipped them and made our way in on the cool air shuttle from the airport to LG Arena. Megan had booked the tickets and we had great seats so there was no rush to be there. It turned out that the seats were so great that they were only a few feet away from the B Stage. Awesome, right?
Even though there were fewer McFLY songs than I would have liked, it was great to reminisce my childhood with Busted. I know I'm not the only one, but I really do hope that McFLY come back as themselves and let McBUSTED go out on a high, rather than pushing away the die hard fans that got them where they are now.
The best part of the whole night was getting to experience it all with my best friends, and I wouldn't have changed it for anything. Not even a kiss from Dougie Poynter...

Katy Perry @ LG Arena, Birmingham

14th May 2014

 Okay, so I've never been a huge 'recent' Katy Perry fan. She's released the odd recent song that I've liked but I always preferred her older songs. Danny managed to get us tickets on Tickets For Troops, which is a great website that gives free tickets to people in the military. We queued from 3pm so I could get Danny as near to the front as possible (he's a little bit in love with KP) and we ended up right on the barrier. The photos you see above aren't even zoomed in. She started with her popular single, Roar, in which she arrived in a prism (shock...) and began what became the best concert I'd been to in my life.
The whole concert was split into sections; Prismatic, Egyptian, Cat-oure, Acoustic, Throwback, Hyper Neon, Encore and each of these required another gorgeous costume. Honestly, the Acoustic section was the most incredible thing I've ever seen. She came to the front of the stage and performed a few songs up close with the crowd. By The Grace Of God is the most beautiful song I've heard for a long time and completely relates to me so when she sang it, a few tears may have fallen out of my eyes. If you've not heard it before, please go and listen to it. Infact, let me help you. Click here and you'll be transported to the beautiful sounds of KP. It was the first time I'd ever seen the super confident Katy Perry look vulnerable and dare I say it, human. We put celebrities on pedestals and sometimes, I think that we can easily forget that they are real people, just like us. Katy's new single, Birthday, was the second to last song she performed and being the wonderful person she is, revolved the whole song around a competition winner who's birthday it was that night. Talk about the best birthday present ever, right?
All in all, I would 10/10 recommend you go and see her if you get the chance to.

Red Arrows Arrival @ RAF Scampton, Lincolnshire

8th June 2014

Sunday bought out the plane geek in me. Somehow I got wind that Red Arrows would be arriving at RAF Scampton around 6pm and being someone that has never seen them before, really wanted to go. Danny, being the lovely person that he is, gave up his evening and drove there to take me to see them land. We found somewhere to park and walked across a field to the end of the runway. There were a few people there already with their children, getting all excited to see a national treasure. Luckily for us, the Red Arrows did a little display before they landed and I don't think I've ever been so awestruck in my life. A few of the pilots waved to their admirers on the ground as they flew over our heads, ready to land. This experience has just made me so excited to be attended the RAF Waddington Air Show in July (which my family are coming to visit for... even more exciting!).

So there you have it. A little look into the not very interesting but hectic life of Charley. It may not be a lot but it's mine. I have so much to look forward to in the coming months and feel so lucky to be in the position that I am now. Maybe I don't have everything I ever wished for, but I have everything that I have ever needed and that's the important thing. For the first time in a long time, I can finally say that I am happy with where I am in my life. If there were one thing I could change, it would be that my family were closer, but I have the joy of them coming to see me for a weekend soon.

Note To Charley: Don't take your family for granted. Spend as much time with them as you can. You'll miss them far more than you ever expected to. 

Home Wishlist | "Home is where our story begins"

So, it seems that now the house sale is going through pretty smoothly (hooray!), looking for furnishing has become my most favourite past time. I've gathered a couple (quite a lot) of my favourite and most wanted items to show you because I'm just SO excited. 

bed/vanity/photo/wax burner

Danny and I have absolutely fallen in love with this bed. Unfortunately, it's around £400 out of our budget. Donations will be accepted. It's only taken a few months but I've also finally persuaded him to let me have a Vanity table in the bedroom and I think that the photo frame would compliment it. Last Christmas, I bought his mother a wax burner and it's quickly become one of my favourite purchases. It's a gorgeous accessory for anywhere in the house and the melted scented wax tarts smell absolutely beautiful. I just have to have one. 

wax burner/candle/storage/fireplace

Anyone that knows me can tell you that candles are my weakness. Moving up to Lincoln, I had an entire box dedicated to my candles. So it only seems fitting that there would be at least one candle in my wishlist. I find that Next do a really great range of boxed candles which I think look really lovely. I'm a real storage freak. I like things to have their place but without being cluttered. These pretty little storage boxes would be so great for make up. Another wax burner... how predictable of me. Honestly, I don't think you can have too many. Wouldn't it just look so lovely on the mantlepiece of the fire we're getting? Just imagine it! 

chest/furniture set/cushions/dining table

Everybody needs a dining table and this one is absolutely gorgeous. I absolutely love the chairs and how they are different to what you'd usually see around a dining table. They look like they'd be so comfortable. Cushions are probably my favourite accessory after candles and these are just so cute. I'll never have them because Danny hates wordy cushions, but a girl can dream right? Here we go, more storage, how exhilarating. Isn't the chest just the cutest though? You could have it at the end of the bed with all your bits and bobs in. I can just imagine it already, it's getting me all giddy. The chest of drawers is part of a furniture set we are getting. We went to view these at B&M and completely fell in love with them. The fact they are so reasonably priced makes them even better. 

The day we get the keys to our new house and can finally start buying things properly will be the best day ever. It's the start of our lives together and it's so important that we incorporate both of us into the making our house a home. I know that I will have to make compromises and I'm okay with that. 

We've already bought the essentials for our kitchen, thank you Argos starter sets for the great bargain. Knife block, cutlery sets, dining sets and pots and pans for just £20. I'd definitely recommend going there if you're a first time buyer looking for good offers and cheap bits. We did however take a trip to Dunelm Mill, where we will probably spend all our money, and picked up these little beauties. I can't wait to fill them up with goodies.